Voting, Haircuts, and Cheaters (Part Whatever)

Update, 10:33 p.m.: Wow. I was so right when I said voter turnout would suck. Only 19 percent of the registered voters in the City of Sorta’ Cosmopolitan actually turned out to vote. And it was a sweep by the Democrats (all council seats except one, plus the mayor was reelected with “the highest percentage of voters” ever). Good grief. In other news, my pub quiz team went down to defeat, losing by just two points. Not too bad, considering the fact that we are out of practice.  

The City of Sorta’ Cosmopolitan is having local elections today. We’re voting for a mayor (the incumbent is expected to get something like 80% of the vote) and an uncontested clerk’s seat. My ward voted for an uncontested council member. Seems pretty boring, eh? The biggest race is for three at-large members of the city council which is why I bothered to track down my always allusive polling place. I wanted to vote against the schmuck who called our house four times last week, even though we are registered as Democrats. Plus, his campaign was focused on just one-issue and he just isn’t that well-balanced. Okay, and the Democrats must be really worried that Candidate Schmuck was going to win a seat because they’ve been sending out really negative flyers for the past few weeks.

I vote at an elementary school. For those of you who read my former blog, you’ll know that a couple of years ago my polling place was moved from a beautiful historical church across from a coffee shop … to a grimy school in the middle of the so-called ‘hood. It took me 45 minutes to find the damned place. The Coach didn’t even get to vote because the polling place closed an hour earlier than advertised. Yes, I am convinced that the old-school WASPs (well, and the German-Catholics too) are trying to keep the inner city folks from voting.

I had a problem earlier this year when I went to vote in the primary. My polling place was closed well before 6 p.m. Later, one of my grad students who has lived in SC all of her life (and lives two blocks from Chez Disenchanted) told me that it’s a common practice in Sorta’ Cosmopolitan to consolidate the polling places during the primaries … and not bother to tell anyone. No wonder the voter turnout is so freakin’ low in this town.

Today, I headed out early because I wanted to make sure I had enough time to complain if I couldn’t vote. I got to the ‘hood school, parked and locked my car, and walked up to the front door. The principal (or one of his flunkies) had put out a sign saying that “due to safety concerns, all voters must use the back gym door.” No problem. I was incredibly glad to see that because the last time I successfully managed to vote at this school, I could have snatched a kid and no one would have ever known. In fact, I wrote a letter to the editor that stated that very sentiment.

Of course, it was a little difficult to find the back door, seeing how I don’t have kids who attend the ‘hood school.* The signs were pretty small, so you had to pay attention to figure out what direction to take. Seeing how I have a Ph.D., I had enough brain power to find the right spot (either that, or I have built up a tolerance to “hoop-jumping”?) and entered the gym where … I was the only voter present. That’s right, I was there for a good 10 minutes and no one else showed up to vote. Obviously the city council race isn’t very important to most folks, even though these are the people who decide on zoning, sidewalks, and sewers.

Of course, I had to produce my state driver’s license to vote. That’s the rule here in the land of conservatives (a rule that I think is stupid, but whatever). In fact, I had to show my license to three different people. They must have really been bored. So bored, in fact, that one of the women went on and on about how I didn’t look like my driver’s license photo. Seriously? Does anyone actually look like their driver’s license photo? I told her I got a hair cut and that a bottle of brown dye was a wonderful thing.**

I was finally allowed to vote. I cast my ballot, picking two Democrats and a Republican (but not Schmuck Candidate) in the at-large race. I probably could have cast a straight party ticket, but I liked the fact that this particular Republican is against urban sprawl. (Granted, he’s a religion freak, but how much damage can he do on the City Council? If it was the school board election, I would have thought twice about that.) 

Anyways, now I am at school where I am digging through a pile of grading. My personal favorite cheater of the week is the idiot freshman who plagiarised his bonus assignment. Seriously, did he think I wouldn’t notice the blue sheen that occurs when one cuts and pastes from Wikipedia? For those of you keeping count, this is my fourth cheater of the semester. Can I pull my hair out yet?

        * This is a relic of busing in Sorta’ Cosmopolitan. Even though the ‘hood school is seven blocks from my house, my (hypothetical) children are zoned for schools on the west side of town. It amuses me that my whole street — mostly white, mostly middle to upper class, mostly professors and business owners — are bussed to the lily white public schools while the kids around the ‘hood school are all black. Who says racism exists only in the south? Either way, my (hypothetical) child will probably end up going to Catholic school where they actually TEACH them something other than how to take a f*cking standardized test.

        ** This is the same city where the Board of Elections called me after I registered to vote to check the validity of my request. Apparently someone else had registered to vote on that very same day who had a signature that was very similar to mine. WTF? I pulled the “college professor at U of Sorta’ Cosmopolitan” card (very effective in this small city) and they apologized for bugging me.