Parrot in Aguas Caliente
March 11, 2009: Aguas Caliente to Cusco
Dear Grandma,
Brace yourself because today was probably the most boring day of the trip, thus far. Although a bunch of folks decided to go back up to Machu Picchu (remember that’s ~$60/person) for a few hours, I decided that my cash was better spent in the marketplace at Aguas Caliente. After all, I’ve been a good little cheapskate so far, but I needed presents for The Coach and The Nephews so I waded into the marketplace with wallet in hand. Well, actually, money pouch around my neck to avoid the pickpockets, but you get the basic idea.
I have to admit that the day didn’t start off the greatest. I mean, I nearly killed myself twice, first by stubbing my toe in the bathroom, then by burning my hand with hot water. The first event was just stupid: the bathroom is so small that you have to stand in the shower to open the door to get out and I wasn’t paying attention. Since I was alone when the F-word came flying out of my mouth, it didn’t really matter. The second event, well … let’s just say that some of the wealthy, old, proper folks got an earful when the hot water spigot didn’t turn off while I was making my coca tea. {Ouchie!}
So, here I am, stubbed toe crammed into my Doc Martins, sucking on my burnt finger, making my way down the street to buy presents. In a fit of stupidity, I bought the heaviest item first-a chess set for The Coach, with little Spanish conquistadors and Incans – and then I had to haul it around all day. Ugh! I nearly dropped it a couple of times, but I managed to get it back to Cusco in once piece.* I also bought three scarves: a beautiful blue baby alpaca one for me, a gray alpaca one for my oldest nephew, and a dark blue alpaca one for you. Now, the alpaca wool is a bit scratchy, so you’ll have to wear it with a turtleneck, but it sure is pretty! I also scored a herd of wooden animals to put in my office: an alpaca, a llama, and a vicuña. They are pretty delicate, so I suspect that I’ll have to carry them onto the plane in my purse or else their legs will break.**
I hate shopping, I really do. I mean, I do like browsing through bookstores and shopping online, but I hate going to stores and dealing with crowds. Shopping in these marketplaces is even worse because I don’t know Spanish and I hate to bargain. I always feel bad trying to make them come down on their price. I mean, I can afford to buy what I want because everything is so ungodly cheap to begin with. The gal who was shopping with me, however, was a different story. Now there’s someone who drives a hard bargain. She would just name a price and if they didn’t match it, she’d walk away. Then, of course, the vendors would go on and on about how much lower they could go, “but lady, that’s only S/.3 for me.” Seeing how one sol is the equivalent of 33 cents/American, you can see how small the profits were – if the vendor was telling the truth, that is.
There’s only so much shopping a girl can do, so after a while B. and I went into a restaurant to have breakfast. We both ordered the “tipical” breakfast, which was odd: tenderloin, potatoes, and rice, all salty as hell. Now, these are meals that The Coach would love, seeing how starch is his favorite food group, but B. and I ended up giving most of our breakfast to the starving mama dog near our hotel. Here’s hoping that all that salt and MSG didn’t cause her milk to curdle. [Sidebar: There was also a rooster running around in the riverfront park across from our hotel.]
Even though the food was nasty, the drinks were great. They brought us coffee strong enough to make hair grow on your tits, but after I added the leche and spooned in some unrefined sugar , it turned out to be quite lovely. They also brought us fresh juice, right out of the blender. My papaya juice was so thick that the straw stood straight up! Apparently Aguas Caliente has a reputation for food poisoning, so drinking that juice might just be the end of me. ***
But then, I like to live dangerously.
We were in Aguas Caliente through lunch (a buffet that included fish, avocados, cold potatoes and these wicked awesome bananas that were only as long as my thumb), then we caught the train to Cusco. It was an elegant train, with fresh flowers on the tables, a snack that included an alpaca finger sandwich, and a sexy, sexy steward. Luckily, I sat at the back of the coach with the only student on the trip and we had a blast. First, a bunch of us bullied her into changing her major. Then I paid the steward to make me a pisco sour so I could watch him shake his ass while he was shaking the drink. OnlyStudent made like she was going to pinch his butt, but she backed off at the last minute. Later, there was a fashion show where the steward modeled expensive sweaters made from baby alpaca and flirted with our ‘Lucy.’ I thought about TQE the whole time the steward was strutting his stuff, because I just knew that he’d never believe how HOT this guy was. I tried to take a picture, but the camera crapped out. (Blah)
And let’s not forgot the fact that ‘Lucy’ got into a fight with another member of our trip. Now, I didn’t see this fight, but I was told that the other woman’s husband actually had to break them up. Seriously? I don’t understand why people can’t just grow up — especially people who are over the age of 60.
The day ended with a meal and a show in Cusco. Again, we managed to dodge the French fries, but there were a lot of potatoes on the bar. One item actually looked like a sushi roll, only it was made out of mashed potatoes. The weirdest food, however, was the desert. OnlyStudent and I thought it was some kind of berry cobbler, without the cobbler part. I think that was a decent assumption seeing how it was purple and seeing how we had been fed elderberries on this trip. She asked the waiter and after some severe miscommunication we learned that it was actually some kind of sweet pudding made out of black corn! Like I said, weird.
I can’t really say much about the show because I ended up in a chair with my back to it. I can tell you that the dancers kept dragging people out onto the floor against their will. I can also tell you that the waiters in Peru are fucking rude. Our waiter actually told me that I would have to pay for OnlyStudent’s drink because he didn’t have change – and I couldn’t argue with him because he snatched my money and left hers on the table. No tip for you, buddy!
Love,
Disenchanted
* Well, the trip back to the States was not very kind to the set. Four of the pieces got broken and The Coach is going to have to put them back together with super glue. Blah.
** Even though I did this, I managed to crack one of the legs on the vicuña. Go figure.
*** Who knows what it was, but I was attacked by the Peruvian Poo Monster and ended up having the shits for a week. Thank God, most of that time was back in the states seeing how most of the toilets in Peru don’t have two essential items: paper and toilet seats.
